The Watch is Over

On October 15, 2015 Damon lost the battle but won the war.  He is now at peace.  He no longer feels pain and is enjoying the rest of his eternity with all the friends and family that went before him.

I miss him.  We all miss him. 

I am forever grateful that I was able to spend the last few months with him and give back some of the love and care he showed to me my whole life.  The outpouring of support from all the people that touched his life was and continues to be a comfort to our family.

I have tried to bring to a close all of the things he was trying to accomplish during the last few weeks of his life.  He was at peace with himself, his choices and his place in the world. 

One of his last wishes was to give each and every one final moment together.  A memory of your friendship to help each of you understand how much you meant to him and to give you something to hold onto when he was gone.  He was able to do that with many, many people.  Unfortunately, time and circumstance didn’t allow for him to complete that task.

On behalf of my wonderful brother know that he cherished every moment he had with you.  Each person that touched his life left a lasting impression.  He was humbled and honored to have been a part of your life.  Hold on to that special memory of him and know that it meant the world that you shared yourself with him.

He was and continues to be my big brother.  He bravely stepped forward to lead the way.  In our family he happily went first, testing the waters for the rest of us.  He made a lot of mistakes and then helped others to avoid the same pitfalls.  He charged headlong into life with enthusiasm and determination.  He left a wake so wide and so deep that we will forever feel the ripples.  Because of the love and acceptance he showed, I cannot even feel anger at his passing.  Just sadness that such a bright soul had to leave so soon.

On behalf of our family, thank you all for being a part of his life.  Thank you for the outpouring of love and support.  Thank you for showing us just how much of an impact he had on the world.

We are bereft, but because of his grace we will carry on. 

Angelica Chalmers, Damon’s little sister.

One last request:

If you are reading this, please take a few moments to share some thoughts or memories of my brother.  If you have pictures sharing them would be wonderful.  I plan to put together a bound copy of his blog along with memories, pictures and stories.  It will be distributed among the family and available to anyone else that might like a copy.  You can post directly to his blog as a comment on this post, or email directly to me at angchalmers@gmail.com.  Thank you.

From front to back: Damon Brewer, Angelica Chalmers, Milly Brewer, Alex Brewer, April Brewer, & James Brewer
Not Pictured(They were taking the photos) Terah Clark and Patrick Clark 

Damon having fun at the Walking Dead Tour in Georgia.

“Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” - Dalai Lama

ANOTHER Update.

Damon went in this morning had his pump for his chemo removed;he was retaining quite a bit of water so they gave him some Lasix through his pick line which is really made him feel a lot better in that matter.  And we did have tickets to go to the Razorback game tonight from a good friend, Michael C. at Damon's work, but Damon was just too tired; he's exhausted.  He's looking at me now because I said his name and woke him up. So we're going to have a nice easy evening on the couch watching sci-fi as usual; Doctor Who, some Underworld thrown in there & who knows what else and then bedtime!  I hope you have a great weekend !  God bless! Don't worry the tickets are going to good use!!!

Well,,,,,,

Damon went to his treatment today started the second day of the iPhone some treatment they found his pulse was elevated probably due to the dexamethasone that they're giving him both in the chemotherapy and at home so they told him to stop taking it at home he's pretty tired and we're both taking it day by day. As of right now I plan on going back to work Monday and taking a life day by day. I saw where Damon posted his spiritual feelings & of his belief that he is on the path that God has intended for him. My problem is I want God to leave him here. I am not prepared for God to take him away from us. He is a fantastic husband and a fantastic father & more importantly he is my best friend. I'm not prepared to live my life without him. I don't think that any of us are but we will all work at doing so because that is what Damon will want us to do. For now, I know Damon will go to work when he can and do everything he can to fight and live as long as possible; all I can do is pray that God listens to all of our prayers and leave him with us for a lot longer. He is a wonderful man and I love him dearly.  I can't say that enough. 

Great friend and family and busyness

April’s sister and step-mom are here for a short visit.  Not related to my ER visit, they drove to NW Arkansas from Houston on Saturday night with a stop in Van Buren.  They arrived about noon and we visited until 8:00.  Terah and Patrick also came to see them.  Tuna fish sandwiches for dinner, shared stories and it was time for bed.  We’ll meet again today after my radiation appointment for more visiting and then they drive to Houston.

My sister flew in Saturday night and she’s here until she wants to leave.  I plan to take advantage of her presence, which brings me to the busyness.  I have a lot to do.

I spoke to Arvest Mortgage last week about unloading the house.  He recommended reaching a realtor ASAP and starting the selling process.  I also need talk to the cemetery about plots, the chapel about possible arrangements, etc.  It’s a lot to process, but I need to get this done.

Everyone in my life is being great.  I know it's surreal and no one knows what to do.  I ate a great dinner at FogHorns last week with a dozen friends and family.  I have dinner plans this week with other friends and April is arranging some more.  I don't know what I would do if I wasn't surrounded by so many incredible people.

Life gets busier and busier. I don’t know where to begin.

I’ll start with recent events.  Sunday morning was spent in the Springdale emergency room.  I woke up about 3am (as usual) and had a small snack.  The fun started when I returned to bed.   I was not too sleepy and I decided to watch some Netflix on my tabled, which is easier to do if I lay on my left side.  This was a mistake.  Laying like that caused something in my chest to move and I think my heart literally stopped.  I popped out of bed pretty fast, smacked myself, took some deep breathes, and it started working again.  I sat there for several minutes and then lay down again on my back this time.  I lay there for about 15 minutes, listening to the Netflix, and just as I dozed off my heart began racing at about 220 bpm.   I could breath and my blood oxygen levels were OK, but that sucked.   This is not the first time for this to happen.  Normally I setup up and do some deep breathing, which causes my heart to return to normal.   That did not work Sunday morning.  I tried for about 15 minutes and my heart did not slow down.   I then woke up April and ask her to contact my mom, dad, or sister so someone could drive me to the ER.  EVERYONE arrived and we headed to town.  My heart rate returned to normal when we were about halfway to town, but I said to continue to the ER to get checked.

The ER was empty and they took me directly to the back.  Dr Ball and the staff was great.   I explained my situation and everyone was surprised/impressed by my chest x-ray.  The theory, which I agree with, is that my position restricted my hearts return blood flow.  This caused my heart to panic and beat at 200+ bpm to get the blood it needed.   Whatever it was finally freed up during the drive.  Sadly there’s nothing the ER could actually do about this, but it seemed the right place to go.  We left the ER about 9am and ate breakfast at Flap Jacks.  Other things Dr Ball was my bloow sugar was high, and one of my blood numbers indicated I may have had a blood clot somewhere, which would not be surprising.  Again, what can that really do about it.

This all caused some distress in my family.  My mother kept herself together while she was with me, but I heard she was vocal about things when she was in the waiting room.  April’s handled herself well, but I know this freaks her out.  I can’t describe my thoughts.  It is very freaky to know what's happening and be only a rider on the roller coaster. I compensate by being more controlling in different parts of my life, but that’s only a distraction.  I know my days are limited and I plan to enjoy each one.  Be it a home or work or somewhere with friends and family.  Each ray of sun or drop of rain is worth celebrating.

A smack in the face

Today was my third radiation treatment.  It went well, as far as I can tell, and appears to be helping my breathing.  That’s the good news.  There’s bad news too.

I spoke with both Dr Smith (Radiation) and Dr Travis (Oncology) today.  Each presented a different opinion, but both shared a common thread.  I do not have a good prognosis.  I ask direct questions of each and each gave me direct answers.

Dr Smith said I was VERY lucky to be here now.  He did not expect me to survive last week when my airway collapsed.  My radiation treatment is essentially an Emergency dosage which they do not do under normal circumstances.  The radiation is attacking a fist size location surrounding my esophagus and trachea.  This is to open my airway so I can breathe (which is important) but is also affecting everything else in the area.  This only buys me time.  Dr Smith also said there was nothing else he could do beyond this.  The rest of the tumor will continue to grow and squash everything, which will eventually suffocate me.  He suggested contacting a Hospice and begin making preparations.   His observations of the growth suggest I have 4-6 weeks.

Dr Travis is slightly more optimistic.  He also says I am lucky to still be here and the radiation is an emergency treatment which can probably not be repeated.  However, we have a plan.  In three weeks (Sept 29) I get another CT scan.  This may reveal if the last dosage of ifosomide (the last chemo) did anything for me.  I believe it was and that this breathing episode is related to my fall at Foghorns.  I think the fall caused some type of injury to my trachea, which cascaded what happened last week.  My hope is to continue the Ifosomide treatment after the CT scan.

I plan to Fight On.

Db

A very terrible, horrible, nasty day.

Well, Damon and I are In shock.  The information that we received today was not what we expected, at all.  As you know, for those of you that read this blog, Damon has been feeling much better for the last week or so.  For those of you that have been in direct contact with one of us during the last 10 days to 2 weeks, Damon's physical condition has been improving.  He has been feeling better, such as his breathing has improved, his stamina has been better and he mentioned, on several occasions that he could feel that his right lung was moving more oxygen and that he felt like he could feel that it was beginning to re-inflate, that he could take a deeper breathe.  His coughing was also much improved and even sounded better.    Even better, while at a regular office visit with Dr. Travis, he smiled at me while he was listening to the air flow in Damon's right lung.  He stated that, "He has about 50% more air flow in that right lung when compared to the last time I listened to him."  We thought that we were given phenomenal news at that point.  So what happened to change things so drastically in the last several days to the last 2 weeks??

Hopefully we will have an idea of that aver after we see Dr. Travis on Wednesday.  I know how much Damon means to those of you he has the absolute honor of calling friends.  

We are and feel very blessed to have people, such as those we call friends, in our lives.  Now, as in the past, you all keep asking if there is anything that you can do for us.   I wish  there was.  For right now, all that we ask is for continued and more prayers.

April