Wednesday is here. I’ve
had 24 hours to review all of this inside my own head. I have come out the other side with a bunch
of feelings. I know that not all of them
are rational, but they are feelings.
Feelings and emotions are not supposed to be rational, which is why we
have them. Take away the irrational aspects
of emotions and you take away our humanity.
In the past 10 days I discovered that I am pretty bad shape. The tumors have grown (apparently a lot) and
now infest the part of my right lung where the lobes intersect. This is the point where my lung connects to
me chest cavity. All this means it is
pointless to remove anything, because there is no way to get it without
removing my entire lung and parts of my check, which is impossible. This angers me.
This journey started 18 months ago, when my leg began to
trouble me. 14 months ago they diagnosed
it as a tumor and said they want to treat me before they operated. This did nothing and I lost my leg
anyway. 10 months ago they said I had
tumors in my lungs wanted to treat me first, which did nothing and the tumors
grew. 3 months ago I joined the drug
study in Houston, where they said they should treat me first, which did
nothing, and now I am here. I am stuck
with tumors in my chest which are inoperable because they are too big and
invasive. Why did we not remove these 6
months ago? I can take the pain of
surgery and recover with a smile. I am
having trouble with smiling through this.
People telling me to wait because maybe the next thing will work. Next, Next, Next.
To anyone who reads this.
If you have a sarcoma and some doctor says you should wait because some
treatment might work then I say this.
Press them HARD to have the surgery and remove whatever it is. This is the irrational part. It feels like the doctors and looking for
that magical cure which gets their name in a paper. The simplest answer may be the correct one. Cut it out and then move on. Watch your body and follow-up, but cut it
out.
I am so pissed about all of this. That’s my rant.
What’s next (ha) for me?
I expect Dr Iyre to drop me from the trial in Houston. If it’s not working then I need to move
on. I have a few choices in the next few
weeks.
- Start a standard treatment immediately. I have an appointment with Highland Oncology next week to discuss some options. The first options is the drug Votrient. I blogged about this previously and I invite you to read about it. There’s no need to rehash those details.
- Do nothing and enjoy the next few months. This is mostly out of the question. I will enjoy the next few months, but I am doing things. This is not over.
- Contact Cancer Treatment Center of America (in Atlanta) and discuss options for treatment with them. I liked the people and facility in Atlanta, but I don’t know of any great advantage with them.
- Join another drug study. I spoke to the coordinator of several drug trials which are in Maryland. She emailed the forms to start the application process. Her name was Jessica and she was very nice. Dr Iyre (in Houston) suggested that we contact her. One disadvantage is that most drug trial require a ‘clean’ period before I start the trial. This rules out option 1.
For my immediate future I return to work and do things which
I like to do. We’ll probably visit
Silver Dollar City a few times and go to movies. I enjoy going to movies. I also enjoy beer in moderate amounts and I
like being outside.
I continue to believe that everything occurs for a reason. The protagonist of every story goes where
they need to go for the story end where it should. Maybe my story is being written by someone in
a faraway place. Maybe mine is a story by
M Night Shyamalan and a dragon will emerge from the bushes and fly me to Asia
where I discover I am a time traveler and this reality is only a dream by the
Doctor. Who really knows?
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