For now I am in between appointments. I'm setting the in the main lobby which is at one end of the main concourse. In front of me is a 10+ ft Christmas tree. To my left is a harpist. Behind me is a faughx fireplace and two fish tanks with tropical fish. While I wrote this paragraph an older couple left the cafeteria and began singing along with the harpist. It was 'Moon River'. It is an interesting place. This area does not have the feel of a hospital. It could be a hotel or mall or fancy office building.
All this is overwhelming. April and I are coping the best we can.
I work everyday I can so I may spend time with friends and forget about the cancer. Setting here surrounded by reminders is very taxing. CTCA does their best to hide the reminders but they walk down the halls and they are behind every wall. It is a beautiful place but it is a giant reminder.
It's not a surprise when I say I'm not like most people. Most of my friends are not like most people. CTCA spends a lot of time on the psychological aspects of treatment. All the attendants, food, and window dressing cover the truthes well, but that does not work on me. I know there's a man behind the curtain.
Will I come back? Maybe. It depends on their recommendations. Ultimately I want the best place with the best people and best outcome. Reminders will exist no matter where I go from here. Maybe today's outlook is because I'm tired and grumpy. Maybe I'm this years Grinch, Frau Perchta, Scrooge, or Kallikantzaros. Tomorrow is another day.
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