I think I'm me again, world!

I now feel like me.  We re-balanced my medications and I feel much much better.   This is the first time in my life that I have medication which required such close scrutiny.  Hopefully I will not be on these for too long.  This is a powerful lesson learned.
April and I went to the Prairie Grove Clothesline Fair this morning.  The sun was shining, we met several nice people, and I bought a small wooden cabinet to organize my junk.  I believe this is the first item I've bought strictly for myself from a craft fair. Maybe I need to check those meds again.  We met a talkative woman who was also an amputee.  She had some recomendations and prostetics and life in general.  We left as it was becoming hot and ate lunch at Jim's Razorback Pizza.  We like their Spanish Pie.
I'm torn about using the handicapped parking spaces.  I am handicapped, but others need it more than me.  So far it's a case by case parking situation.   We've used it at Walmart and I-Hop (that's funny right there), but not at Denny's or Jim's Razorback.  It all depends on the terrain.  Some parking lots are not conducive to wheel chairs.  Example:  The parking at the Fayetteville Best Buy has a long slope.  It does not look like much, but that is a chore in a wheel chair.  It's doable, but we used the special parking.
I appreciate the special notes from my last post.  Normally I would not share such things, but I want everyone who may read this to know that there are hard days.  Having cancer and losing a limb are painful and traumatic events.  There are good days and bad.  There are good hours and bad.  The goal is to have more good and to find that little bit of good which is hiding in the bad.
My final thought of the day: People say 'every cloud has a silver lining.'  This is wonderful until a silver laden cloud comes crashing down around you.  It hurts.

It's not all sunny skies

The past 3 days have been long, stressful, painful, and almost completely not pleasant.  April said I finally 'broke'.  I say I suffered from a biochemical imbalance.  In either case it was not fun.
Everything started on Tuesday when I was still in the hospital.  I was far weaker after the lung surgery than after the leg surgery.  I could barely breathe and therefore barely do anything else.  I think this started a chain reaction which deeply bruised my self-confidence.  The lost confidence degraded my ability to handle pain, which lowered my ability to do things, and repeat.  When I left the hospital on Wednesday my self-confidence was about 30% of normal.  Between my leg, both real and phantom, and my back the pain levels were pretty high and my pain tolerance was pretty low. 
April and I stayed in Little Rock that night.  I had left over pain pills so I did not get the new prescription filled.  This was a mistake.  I could not roll over because of the pain in my back.  I was constipated and I think this was pressing on my sciatic nerve, which caused more leg pain and some general discomfort.  I pressed on until the pain was more than I could take then we found a 24-hour Walgreens.  During all this I took extra gabapentin which is supposed to help with the phantom pains.
Thursday we met Chris for lunch and drove home.  The whole day was spent trying to control the pain.  I took oxycodone, gabapentin, ibuprophen.  Everything helped a little, but nothing stopped it.   It's important to know that I had several distinct pains to deal with.  Each pain with its own medicine and its own lifecycle.
When we got home I was tired and grumpy and more tired and more grumpy.  By bedtime I've taken a lot of medicines, probably too much.  April and I go to bed and after a short conversation I emotionally explode about everything.  I spend most of the next 30 hours crying about things.  Everything is emotionally magnified and traumatic to me.  I cried because Loki (our little dog) was my friend.  I cried because Coacoa (our cat) was my friend.  I cried about everything.  Poor April was trying her best to console the inconsolable.  This was my world all day Friday too.
Saturday started about the same. It was a little better, but not much.  April contacts the doctor on-call for Dr Kiser, who proscribed the gabapentin.  We contact Dr Means and he says to change the dosage.  I think I overtook the gabapentin on Wedneday-Thursday.   It works on your nerves abd a side affect is depression.
I felt better by Saturday afternoon.  Terah visited and brought etoufee for lunch, which was yummy.  She also helped me prepare the hot tub for water.  Then we went to my dad's and ate BBQ ribs, which was super yummy.  Then I fell asleep in their living room.  We went home and I went to bed.  April woke me up at 7:30pm and I ate a sandwhich and I went back to bed.  I slept most of the night.
Now it's Sunday.  My leg is still soar, I feel much more like me.  I will watch my medicines more closely and my journey continues.

Preparing to leave Little Rock

Last night was a very long night.  I thought that I could use my existing pain medication until I got home.  I was wrong.  At 11pm I was up trying to find a 24hour pharmacy to fill my new medicines.  Those allowed me to sleep.  For some reason I still woke up every 2 hours.
This morning was my first shower since the 10th.  The hot water felt very good.  I can not soak yet, but I can shower and scrub.
Breakfast at the Wingate by Wyndham was exquisite.  I had eggs and sausage and toast and a biscuit and I ate all I wanted.  The hospital food was good, but eating on the outside is so much better.
We are preparing to leave the hotel and head home.   We'll stop several times to stretch so home is still several hours away.  I want to visit 'The Container Store' before we leave Little Rock.  Terah and Patrick went there when they were here.  They may have handy containers for my new chair or walker.  And I want to see a store which sells nothing but containers.  How cool is that?!  If only 'Spatula City' was next door.  That would be the bomb!
I'll report later about 'The Container Store' and I'll see some of you soon.

I'm out of hospital

I am out of the hospital and now resting in the hotel with April.  Trish and family will visit soon and I do adore that baby.  Maybe we'll chat in the hotel or maybe  walk-n-roll around the local mall.  Whatever we do it will be in AC.
I'm still leaking from some small holes, but I'm glad to be out.

That was a room full of white coats

Dr Montgomery and his team of 4 came in.  They looked at my leg stitches and then removed them!  Awesome!  We also talked about the tumor and my long term prognosis.
The pathology department identified my tumor as bone related.  I do not remember the long name.  This partially explains why it did not respond to the previous chemo, but it also means that I have more chemo coming.  While Dr Montgomery's team removed my stitches Dr Stelig and his team of 4 came in.  There were 6 doctors, 4 students, and me in the room.  My nurse (Shelly) looked in and said she would come back later. 
Dr Stelig said everything looked good and I will be out today.  Both doctor said my margins (the flesh surrounding the removed tumors) was clear, which is tremendous news!  I still get more chemo in Fayetteville, but this is precautionary.
As I write this I am setting in a normal chair, I have an IV in my left hand, but it's not attached to anything, I can breathe nearly normally, and I have a full tummy.  Breakfast was very good, but that may be because I'm in a good mood.  I am not attached to anything and I have no stitches.
My job today is to wait patiently.  I expect to be out today, but it could be any time from now to 10 tonight.  April and I may drive home or we may stay in Little Rock one more night.  This primarily depends on when I'm released and then on how we feel.  In either case I will sleep next to April tonight.
Upcoming:  I will call Dr Montgomery's office on Friday afternoon.  They will setup another appointment on a Tuesday so I can see both Dr Montgomery and Dr Stelig on one day.  I expect to get a fresh chest x-ray that day and maybe another CT scan.  They will also coordinate with Highland Oncology in Fayetteville so I can get more Chemo. 
That's all for now.  I feel good and I'm raring to go.

It's Wednesday and I'm OK

Wednesday morning is here and I am doing much better.  They gave me a breathing exercise apparatus on Monday.  If you've been hospitalized then I'm sure you've had one of these.  Monday I could barely inhale 500ml.  I could inhale nearly 1200ml by the end of Tuesday.  This morning I can inhale a little more than 2000.  I think 2000 is within the normal range.  Prior to the surgery I could get to 3000 so this is my goal.
Dr. Stelig's team visited at 6:45am.  They say I'm doing well and I expect to be discharged today.  The pain associated with the chect surgery is mostly gone.  Using my upper body is still a strain, but I can get up and down and move around the room.
The pain from the leg surgery is now center stage.  I need to get back on my regular perscriotions so I can restart my exercises and recovery.
...doctors are here.  More to come...

Tuesday evening

It's still Tuesday.  April returned to the hotel and I finished dinner.  I am much better now than this morning. I slept several hours last night but it was only 15-20 minutes in any one segment.  I knew this would hurt, but I did not anticipate that much pain or exhaustion.
They removed my chest tube from my back around lunch.   The tube was inserted between some ribs for better stability.  Ribs are tough, but this small tube felt like a 3 inch PVC pipe.  It took a few hours to adjust, but I can lay on my back now without too much discomfort.  The act of laying down still hurts, but I can stay there once I reach the bed.  The adjustable hospital bed helps this.
Charlette, Aprils step-mom, and Denise, Aprils step-sister, left this afternoon.  These are wonderful people.  I was glad for their visit.  I expect to see our niece Trish and her family tomorrow. 
I think the first 30 hours of this recovery is worse than the first 30 of my leg removal.  I am getting better faster and I expect the next 30 hours to be full of recovery.  I also hope to be released tomorrow.  In any case we'll stay in Little Rock until Friday for the follow up appointment about my leg surgery.  I believe they will remove my stitches on Friday, which will make me very happy.
I need to ask both the leg and chest doctor about my return to work.  I plan to return on September 2, but I need the official OK from the doctors.  I'll need some time off and flexability for appointments, but I really miss my friends.
That's all for now.  It's only 6:30 pm, but it's sleep time for me.
More later.

I am up and mostly mobile

It's Tuesday afternoon.  I am setting in the chair and waiting for lunch.  April left for a few minutes to help Charlette and Denise at the hotel.
Yesterday sucked really bad.  I woke up from surgery at about 9:30 and was stuck in the recovery room until 4pm because no room was available.   It was so very hard to breathe.  I could only inhale enough to speak about 2 words at a time.  I had a chest tube in my back and every movement caused pain.   Any exertion caused me to lose my breath because I could not inhale enough to stay oxygenated.  I spent the first 20 hours focused on breathing.  After any exertion I could inhale barely enough to quietly say 'better'.  That's how I spent Monday night.
Now it's time to rest.  More later.

A super special Thank You

I want to say a special 'Thank You' to Sarah and Candice and Cindy.  The last 24 hours hurt a lot and these three nurses did all they could to help me manage the pain. 
I'll write more later. 

Room F824

Sorry it has taken me until now to post Damon's room number.  He is in F824. As of yesterday about 5:30 he was very sore. It is difficult for him to breathe due to the chest tube.  Hopefully it will come out sometime today. His output is minimal.   He wanted me to let you all know that he will begin blogging after the chest tube is removed.  He is in great spirits, as usual. The doctor said that as long as his bleeding was under control and he was breathing was ok, he should be able to be discharged, hopefully on Wednesday.  I am looking forward to that!!  I always have a hard time sleeping when he is not next to me.  Well, that is all for now. I am sure there will be more to come!!

Good news

Damon is out of surgery!! Everything went great!! They got the tumor and did not see anything else that looked suspicious.  He was in surgery less than an hour!!  He has 2 small incisions and 1 drain tube. Dr. Stelig thinks he could be checked out as early as tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday.   So he and I will be able to spend time together just relaxing while waiting for his post-op appointment to have his stitches removed on Friday at 1pm. He is in post-op now and should be in a room in a few hours. I will let everyone know his room number as soon as I know it! Prayer works!!!! Thanks to all of you for your time, compassion, prayers and friendship through this ordeal. We love each and every one of you!!!

Pre-op

Damon has been prepped for surgery. He is starving!!! (HAHAHAHAHA!!!) More to come later.

Surgery day

Damon has been taken to pre-op.  Surgery should begin in about 1.5 hours. I will update soon.

Time to go...again

I am about to leave the hotel to go to my lung surgery.  I am electronically disconnecting and I will return when I get my gadgets back in the hospital.  Until the, everyone, I love you all and I continue to absort all the well-wishes.  They do give me support and encouragement.

April and Terah will take over the fresh updates while I am not available.

We'll speak soon.

Yet another 'night before'

I am 9-ish hours from my next surgery.  Hopefully this is my last surgery for a long long long time.  We are settled in the hotel and I am as ready as possible.  Today was not an uneventful day in itself.

The pucker event:  April was driving us south on I49.  It was clear skies and sunshine and we were passed the Arkanchunnel.  We were cruising at about 75 in the right lane with people behind us and also in the left lane next to us.  We quickly approached a line of stopped vehicles on the right shoulder.  April began counting the RV's and trailers as we passed. One...Two...Three...Four...Five...Six...Holy Crap!!!  April hits the breaks HARD and the tires begin to scream on the asphalt.  I feel the car begin to float on the road because we are losing traction but April maintains control. The MORON in the front of the train of stopped RVs decided it was time to go!  He, from a dead stop, pulled out into traffic!!!  April took us from 75 to 20 in about 100 feet without losing control or hitting another car.  She litterally saved us.  If the driver of the red truck reads this I want to say "You are a MORON!"  I will leave it at that.

The uplifting event:  April had to pull over about 2 miles down the road and we decided to stop in Rudy to change drivers.  We stopped at the big station there and as we were leaving I hear "Hey, Damon!"  Brian Thompson, a long time friend from work, is calling my name.  This was a wonderful coincidence!  He said he was following the blog and then we talked for several minutes about everything.  This inspires me.  I had no idea so many were following this and I promise to continue.  This is for you.

The Funny event:  We get to Little Rock and meet Terah and Patrick.  We decide to eat at Macaroni Grill which I really like. This Macaroni Grill has a 20ft ramp inside from the front door to the middle of the room.  We eat a great meal and I ask Terah to help me up the ramp as we leave.  Of course she says "yes".  As she pushes me up the ramp I begin dragging my foot.  The harder she pushes the harder I press the floor.   I press so hard that my shoe is chirping up the smooth concrete floor.  To her credit she got me to the top.  She could have been pushing a small car up that incline.  All I hear is how hard that was and she had no idea it was like that.  I tell April what I did and she explodes in laughter.  Terah gets in the car, wondering what is so very funny and we tell her.  Everyone laughs but her.  Then she laughs too.  Terah is the best daughter anyone could ask for.

Good night, everyone.  You'll hear from me tomorrow.

We're back....

I am Little Rock, AGAIN!! But we are beginning to see a light at the end of this long dark tunnel. He has to be at UAMS at 5am.  Right now we are back at our hotel for some much needed rest.  Thanks to Chris Haynes we got an amazing rate for their best suite!! The bathroom is bigger than both our bathrooms at home combined!!  Our daughter and our future son-in-law are here with us. They are staying with us tonight and will be heading home tomorrow after Damon is in a room.  Plus, my stepmother and stepsister will be landing about 8:30 this evening!!! I can't wait to see them!!
Again, I have to say "THANNK YOU!!!!!" to all of Damon's friends.   I knew that he had a lot of friends, but I never dreamed that you ALL would make me feel special and that you consider me as good a friend as Damon. Honestly it has kept me sane.  I don't think I could have gotten through this without you!!!-  I will be posting here while he is in surgery to keep you all informed.  Please take care of each other and know that we miss you.  

Again, thanks for everything and for being there when I needed a hug.
More to come tomorrow!!!!

Fear of the unknown

It's Sunday morning, I'm watching 'The Great Gatsby' with DiCaprio, I ate leftover Jason's Deli for breakfast, which was still delicious, and I'm 21 hours from my second surgery.
This surgery has me much more apprehensive than the first.  My leg was tangible.  I could poke the tumor and it cried with pain.  I could massage the tumor and it relaxed. I could attach the x-rays films and MRI images and CT scans directly to an object which I could touch and squeeze.  The chest tumor is not like that.  I see the pictures, but I feel no pain.  I'm told of the danger, but the tumor does not affect me in any way that I can tell.  It is a silent danger which is growing and hiding inside me.
I've written about fear and my only fear is that of the unknown.  This tumor is very unknown and therefore generates some fear.  There is too much unknown and I must accept that because I know that time is of the essence.  3 weeks ago I spoke with Dr Stelig and said with much bravado 'Let's do it as soon as possible.'  Now it's here and I wish I had a pause button.  By all accounts this will affect me much less than losing a leg.  There are 0 long term disabilities from losing a nickel sized sphere of lung tissue.  I know all of this but I am a thousand times more nervous.
So here we are.  We leave this afternoon for another drive to Little Rock.  Tomorrow morning at 5am I will sign-in at UAMS and they will take me back for a few hours of the dreadful sleep that you only experience in an operating room.  Then I will wakeup to a 3-4 day stay in the hospital.  I look forward to seeing Charolette, Denise, Trish, and everyone else who may visit.  This is what helps me look through the fear of the surgery.  I will see my family and friends and the fear will be behind me.

A hot day in NW Arkansas

Today was HOT!  Simply going outside was instsnt exertion.  I probably sweat a full gallon of fluids.
Jeff Kulbeth mowed our lawn this morning, which may be the last time this summer.  It was 8am and already sweltering.  He stayed and visited with me and I had a good time.  He and I and others are looking at methods of modifying my mower so it is accessable to me.  This will be a fun project after I'm healed.
After Jeff's visit I picked up my mother and we went to the Fayetteville Farmers Market.  This is at about 10am and it's even hotter.  I drove my truck and used my wheel chair. The Fayetteville square was packed with people and this was the my largest public appearence so far.  We made 2 laps.  I bought a mellon and apples.  My mom bought lamb chops and okra.  Then we went to Harps and headed home and it was time for a nap.
Last night April and I went to dinner with Bobbi and Ben Boyd.  These are wonderful people.   I had a great time talking about everything; my situation, camping, motorcycles, friends, and so much more.  It's important to me to not be 'the guy in the wheel chair.'  and most people get that.  Ben and Bobbi and Jeff are great examples of this.  I will need help from time to time until I have thing arranged.  Mostly I only need friends.
I also want to mention my first MealTrain delivery by friend A.S..  I'll omit their name until they say it's ok to post it.  It was delicious and appreciated.

This is official. No going back now.

Busy few days

We've done a lot in the past few days.  I was released from Baptist medical on Wednesday and we drove home.  I can say 'we' because I drove from Ozark to home.  April was so worn from the past week and she needed a break.  Terah met us at the house and cooked dinner and it was delicious.  Thursday we visited with our general doctor (L. Schemmel), ate lunch, and then visited my work.  You can't ask for better friends.  We talked for nearly 2 hours answering questions and telling stories.  The visit was both  humbling and uplifting and it only reinforces my resolve.  The day ended with Walmart and Tractor Supply.

My dad came to our house this morning and helped me clean some isles in the garage.  He also built a ramp in to my house while we were in Little Rock.  My father inspires and astounds me.  I can never express the appreciation I have for my parents.  Both are humble and selfless.  Anything I write in this blog falls too short to describe my feeling for them. I will summarize by saying 'Thank You for everything.'

Now we set at the DMV to get my official sticker.  I called the Highway Patrol on Wednesday.  They told me there were NO restriction on my driving a car with an automatic transmission.  The DMV will flag my license as 'no standards', but that's it!  I am street legal!

I feel pretty good today.  April changed my bandages, which is not a simple thing, and this resolved some unpleasant itching.   After my father and I finished the garage April and I lay on the couch and napped.  Now the DMV, then the store and back home.  Dinner with friends tonight.

First meal: Denney's

For my first meal I chose Denney's on Shackleford in Little Rock.  I used the wheel  chair and we sat in a normal both with my wheel chair next to us.  I ate the Ultimate Skillet which was yummy.  I used the public restroom and had no problems except for the tight space manuervering the wheele chair.   I call this a success!  Now we're on the road!

I'm out

I am out and in a car and headed home!  We'll stop at a Walgreens for my new meds and then eat lunch someplace.  I will sleep in my home in my bed with my wife for the first time since August 9th.  I am very excited!

It's Go-Home Day!

My stump-shrinker is on my leg.  I have my equipment; wheel chair, walker, and shower chair.  My hemoglobin count is 9.6, which is up from 8 when I arrived.  I am ready to go home! 
The Baptist Rehabilitation facility gave me a great experience.  I had many doubts about coming here.  It was highly recommended by the staff at UAMS, but I knew nothing about  the facility.  While at UAMS I felt good, but I was very sore.  I could stand and use a walker.  I dressed myself, cleaned myself, and used the bathroom by myself.  It required a lot of effort, but I could do it.
My decision to come to Baptist Rehabilitation came from many things; it was highly recommended by UAMS, everything I could already do required too much effort, my wife (April) was very worried about me coming straight home, I had was barely healed, and everything still hurt a lot.
Baptist did not disappoint me.  The facility and staff only exceeded any expectation.  While here I learned about the care and maintenance of my stump.  It gave me more oppertunity to heal and gain mobility in a safe and controlled environment.  The meals here and at UAMS were good.  Physically and emotionally I feel much better and I give cerdit for that to Baptist.  I am much more prepared to enter the world.
I am terrible with names, so there's no way I can mention everyone which helped my.  I've mentioned a few people, but everyone has been supportive, understanding, cheerful, and knowledgeable.  I have 0 complaints and I will recommend this experience to others.
The doctors visited with me this morning and I am essentially ready to go.  I have therapy scheduled for this morning, but I don't know how much I'll actually do.  I expect my papers to be finished this morning and to leave around lunch time.
Thank you to everyone at Baptist.  I am as ready as possible to go home and then for my next surgery.

Good morning, Tuesday

Monday was a real good day.  I had physical theraly in the morning and afternoon.  The AM session included time in the weight room, laps in the therapy room, stairs, and other stretches and exercises.  The afternoon session was a bit slower, but I explored  the outside for the second time since the removal.  The therapist, Matt, took me outside so I could do the 'ramp'.  This is a long wheel chair ramp which traverses about 15 vertical feet.  It has three islands/turns and I estimate its length at 200 feet. This was a real challenge and I expect to do it again today.  It did do things a little slower because Friday, Saturday, and Sunday wore me down.  I did less lower body, but did lots of upper body.
Now its Tuesday.  I have my stump-shinker from Snells.  The rep was names Michael and was a wonderful representative of their company.  He measured my legs and gave me two shrinkers.  I should wear one at all times until my prosthetic is ready.  We talked for about 30 minutes about the shrinker, prosthetics, and his experiences.  Dr. Kiser came and I reiterated my goal of walking by October 4.  Both say that is a lofty goal, but it is doable if everything goes right.  My fingers are crossed.

It was long afternoon in bed

Today was a long day. I had physical therapy from 10am to 1130am.  The first 45 minutes were done from the wheel chair using an exercise band.  It was all shoulder exercises.  The second 45 minutes were on a padded table doing hip exercises or in the walker doing laps around portions of the room.  Each day I've accomplished more than the day before.  I am a little proud of myself. 
My hip deflection was +20 degrees on Friday.  Today it was +15 degrees, which is better.  It needs to be 0 degree (straight with my back) or some negative number. I think -20 would be great.  The deflection measures how far back I can bend my leg.  The positive number means that I cannot pull my leg to straight, much less back. Everyone should lie face down on the floor and try this.  Let me know how you did so I can set a realistic expectation.
Today was so long because my leg hurt all day.  I worked really hard on Friday, Saturday and today and I paid for it.  I was so sore on all levels that I ask the nurse and duty doctor about adjusting my pain pills, which they did.  I'll go easier tomorrow because I do not want to hurt myself more.
Have a good night and a good tomorrow.

Ouch

That's all I really want to say.  "Ouch."  Physical therapy was everything I ask for.

Saturday

Spending time with Damon.

An epiphany

I had a small epiphany this morning.
I awoke about 2am and lie in bed.  My leg throbbed and burned because it was time for my pain medicine.  I adjusted my position which helped a small amount and then I paged the nurse.  While I waited I pondered about the pain and what to do about it.  I slowly realized after several minutes the my leg did hurt, but I did not.  My leg has hurt for months from the cancer, but I did not.  I've injured my body several times in the past, but I was not injured.
The epiphany is that my body is and has always been a tool which I use.  The deeper I, which you can call my soul or my ID or my spirit, is not hurt or injured at all.  I will fix my body and continue to use it for many, many years and I will accomplish many, many things.  However, when I look in the mirror I will never see a broken person because I am not injured.

Friday was a big day

Friday was my first full day at Baptist and it was a good day.  I met doctors, nurses, therapist, and more, learned the layout of my area, and got to do stuff.  It took only a few minutes for me to have a walker and wheel chair granted to me.  I now have freedom to explore the facility and take care of myself. 
There were two therapy sessions on Friday.  These included several laps around the session tables to test my endurance and some strength training in a small weight room.  The physical therapist showed me some excersises and taught me the importance of my 'stump' condition.  It is critical that I strengthen and maintain the muscles around the stump, especially my glut (butt) muscles.  A normal leg has a long femur for leverage and gravity assistance to keep your leg pointed down and alligned with your spine.  I don't have that so I must foucus on those exercise.  The straightness my leg will directly relate to my ability to use a prostetic.  I must thank Mason at the Fayetteville Athletic Center.  I attended his Body Pump class for the year before this started.  It prepared me both physically and mentally for the excersise which is now required.
Saturday and Sunday are semi-off days for the facility.  Most patients rest and the staff get to take days off.   I missed the weeks normal activites since I arrived on Thursday evening.  I am assured by the staff that these days will not be lost.  I still have two sessions scheduled for today and I can explorer the facility, which I will count as excersise.  They've not said this, but I need to drop about 25 pounds from my torso.  That would make things much easier.
What's coming.  Dr. Kiser is the chief doctor here.  I've spoken to him each day and I explained my personal goals and he is working with me to achieve them.  If all goes well then I expect to get a stump-shrinker early next week and then dischareged Tuesday or Wednesday.  The stump-shrinker is a fancy spandex sock to cover my stump.  It helps with swelling and begins the forming process for the furture prostetic.  It is an important next step.
I started my laundry earlier and now I must check it.  Then I'll have a clean shirt and I begin my exploration.
More later.

Day 1 at Rehab

This is P.J.  She is the Nursing Supervisor.  She came in to check and make sure he is doing ok and that everyone is helping him.  She also wanted to make sure that there was nothing he needed.  She is a very very nice lady  & she was surprised that we have a 21 year old daughter!! I told Damon we should take her home!!!  More to come.

Now at Baptist

I am now at the Baptist Rehabilitation facility.  I've seen the lobby, an elevator, a hallway, and my room.  It's an older building, but the equipment appears up-to-date.  I've visited with two doctors, several nurses, and several others.  Everyone is nice.
The hardest part so far is the new rules.  I had a walker and free mobility at UAMS.  Here I must page the nurse and be wheeled on a hand made PVC toilet to go to the bathroom.  This is because I've not been officially evaluated by the physical therapist, which is in the morning.  It is certainly not convenient, but rules are rules.  I feel a little sorry for the nurses, because they can see my mobility, but rules are rules.  Darn.
Sometime after breakfast is my first physical therapy and ocupational therapy.  Part of this is the evaluation.  Then lunch and more therapy.  I do not know what to expect.

Here is a sad/funny story.  I know some of you can relate.  I am wheeled in to the front lobby where I sign my admitance papers.  Halfway through I ask the young woman "how much is this?".  She responds with "it's filed with your insurance."   "Ok, but how much does this cost?"  "I don't know.  I'll get someone."  She leaves the area and a minute later she returns and says someone else will help me with an estimate.  Another woman appears with a hand written note which explains my insurance benefits, such as deductible, out of pocket, etc.  I say "what's this?"  She says "this is your estimate."  "No, these are my benefits"  "so, Mr. Brewer, what do you want to know? "  "I want to know how much this place costs."  "Oh, hold on."  Then she leaves and I wait a minute more.  Now a third woman (in a suit) appears "How may I help you, Mr. Brewer?"  "I want to know how much this place costs."  "It depends of what happens and it does not include the doctors." "I get that. How much is this per day?"  "It's $1500 per day but you have good insurance."  "Thank you."  The conversation continued about some details, but this is essentially the end.
I see this as the major problem with modern health care.  Hospitals, doctors, suppliers, etc can not give you a straight answer about the costs.  Everything is tossed into a black box and then you get what you get.  I had this same experience in Springdale about a sleep study and in Fayetteville about an MRI.

Now it's bed time.  Thank you for reading.  More tomorrow.

Going to Baptist

I am told that I am transferring to Baptist Medical for a few days of rehabilitation.  Someone should get me at 2:15.   My next step is almost here.

This is my first morning to quietly set and really think about what's next and it's a little scarey.  I have no doubts about succeeding and returning to the real world.  I have no doubts about my family and friends and co-workers.  I have no doubts about my ability to accomplish what I need.  All that said I am standing at the base of a large mountain which must be climbed.  I say large because I know that I am not the first to climb the mountain.  It's not a huge mountain or an impassable mountain range or a raging shark filled ocean (April loves Shark Week). Thousands of people have already crossed to the other side and left well marked paths to follow and I have more support than anyone could need.  People are in front of me offering a hand.  People are behind me with encouraging words.  People are beneeth me lifting me up and removing obstacles.  I am ready for this challenge and I will continue to bring all of you with me.

More to come after I am situated at the new facility. 

Day 3

Morning!!  Damon is doing GREAT!!!!!  As you can see, he has been enjoying time with our Great-neice, Alyssa Trinity Crosswhite.  Hopefully he will be transferred to Baptist Hospital today.  Insurance has given the go ahead for it.  I will update a little bit later!  Thanks for being such great friends and caring so much about Damon!!!

Another good day

It's now Wednesday.  56 hours ago I had two legs and two knees and two feet.  Now I have 1 of each.  It is an incredibly strange sensation to litterally know that I have two legs, but still know that I don't.  I can still feel it hanging there and if my eyes are closed I believe I can reach over and touch it.  It is more bizarre than I can describe, but each day is a little easier.  Thanks to the internet I read of techniques for aleviating the sensations and the doctors are giving some medicine which is supposed to help. 
Each day is better than the one before.   I can now get out of bed on my own.  As I write this I am up in a seated position without a back rest.  I recently left the bed and went to the rest room completely independantly.  No one told me that I can't do that so I did it.
Here's is what's coming.  The hospital and insurence are negotaiting about tomorrow.  I may be transferred to Baptist Medical for a few days of rehabilitation.  I'm told they have offices and a gas station and a grocery store for people to test their ability.  It's still a hospital type facility so I have a room and nurses, but it's all about the rehab.  I'm looking forward to it a little.  I expect to be there 3-4 days if everything is approved.
The next big thing is August 25.  The thoracic surgeon is scheduled to remove the spot on my lung on August 25.  This means I go to rehab until Sunday or Monday or Tuesday then I go home.  Then I return to Little Rock the following Sunday for another early Monday surgery.  That will keep me in UAMS for another 3-4, but no rehab is expected.  The surgeon expects it to be done with cameras and small holes.  I should OK as long as they do not open me because I can keep my upper body strength, which is important when you are missing a leg. 
The next thing is removing the staples from my leg.  That is about 3 weeks from the amputation which is early September.  That can be done in NW Arkansas with local doctors.
September will also include discussions about my new leg.
That's all I have for now.  I cannot share enough 'thank you's for everyone around me.
I will see you soon.  :)

A Good Day

We got to take him outside!!

Day 2

He had a bath and a change of clothes and the nurse refreshed the bed. More to follow

End of day 1

I'm calling this the end of day 1.  Most of the day was in bed but I did get up twice.  This was a very full day.
Eneryone at the hospital is wonderful and the food is good.  I am looking forward to day 2 and I  certainly look forward to normal.  I miss normal.

I can't lie

This really sucks. 
I said in an earlier message that you should avoid cancer at all cost.  I'll stick with that, but add that you should avoid amputations too.  The people here say I'm doing great, but it is not without tremendous effort.  Luckily I am 'young' and 'healthy', but it still really sucks.
The PT (physical therapy) folks said I did much better than expected.  Having a beautiful woman to go kiss was more than a little inspiration  ;).  I used a walker to travel about 15ft and back.  Later I went to the restroom and back. 
The original leg pain is gone, which is good.  However this new pain can not be described.  They are encouraging me to do an in-house rehab at Baptist medical because I am a great candidate, but I don't really know what means.  There is a lot to decide before I commit to that.
I'll try to post again before sleepy time.
I am surrounded by very special people here, in NW Arkansas, and all around the nation.  Thank You, All!!

Hello, World. I'm baaaaaack

It's Tuesday and I have my toys back.  I'm still tied to the bed with tubes, but I can move myself around and eat whatever I want.  Terah, April, and Trish brought me some Chick-fil-a, which was yuuuuuumy.  The food here is pretty good, but nothing beats outside food.
My right leg is gone.  Yes, I have pictures.  Dr. Montgomery said he was able to keep more than he expexted, but it's still not much.
This is as painful as you can imagine, but my spirits are good.  I expect to be on my feet (foot) later today.
Thank you for the notes and flowers.
Db

A BIG THANKS

Well, I just waned to take a minute to tell everyone how much I appreciate everything you have said, offered to do and all of the support that you have given us during this time. I have always told Damon what a special person he is and how many friends that he has.  It is during times like this that a person or family finds out just who their friends really are.

I can honestly say that I am overwhelmed with the love and support that you all have shown Damon and even the support you have given me.  I don't think that there will ever be anything that we could actually do or say to you all that would be able to express our thanks.

I know that the next several months of our lives are going to be a challenge, especially for Damon. And I know that you all are going to be right there with us to help us through it.  All I can say is, I truly and honestly thank  you all from the bottom of my heart.  -April

And he is up!!!!!

Funny!!!!!

Physical therapist are here. We have been playing Pictionary. They saw through the window that we were writing stuff down. When they came they were afraid Damon was deaf and no one told them!!! LMAO!!!

SMILE!!

Damon's recovery

Damon is doing well today. Very awake and in very good spirits, although since you know him, that is no surprise.   He has enjoyed the flowers and says Thanks!! No mention of going home so it will probably be Friday before we are home. Dr . Montgomery is looking into physical therapy rehab for him Hopefully one at home.  I will update more later today after he has started physical therapy.  We miss you all!!

Room F906

Damon is at UAMS in Room F906. ge is in pain but doing well.  I will update you tomorrow to let you know how he is doing. Thanks for caring so much about Damon and us. It means the world to us!!

Recovery

Damon has now been sent to recovery. The surgery took twice as long due to the tumor being fed by more blood vessels than expected.   He had more blood loss than expected but they gave him several units of blood.  He will be in recovery for several hours depending on his pain level and lucidity.  They were unable to do the block for pain. So Damon may have more physical pain and phantom pain.  We will have to wait and see. No day to go home yet. I expect Wednesday or Thursday.
I want to thank my family and friends for helping me through this. Latrisha, Houston, Joshua and Baby Alyssa: You guys have no idea what it means to Damon, Terah and I that your drove up to be with us. We love you dearly!!! Courtney and Jeff: Thanks for being as good of a friend to me as you are to Damon and thanks for dinner!!

Still working.

Was just told that they are still working  but everything is going well.

Surgery Begins

He went back to surgery about 9:30. Reconstruction is not an option so the surgery is an amputation, probably at the upper thigh. Should take 1 to 1.5 hours according to Dr. Montgomery.  Chest surgery could be as  early as next week. They are giving him a block at the top of the thigh to help with post-op and phantom pain. Dr . Montgomery said he didn't think he would have a prosthetic in time to walk Terah down the isle at her wedding. No dry eyes at that point. I will update when he is out of surgery.  Thanks guys!!

Getting prepped!

They just took Damon back to pre-op.  He is in great spirits and is looking forward to getting this done and behind him.  Me, on the other hand, NOT!!!

T -1 hours

It is Monday morning. I will be checked in to the hospital in about 1 hour.  In about 3 hours I will be deep under anethesia.  In about 6 hours I will finally know what happens.  The past 6 months will culminate in something.  Perhaps a long complicated tumor removal.  Perhaps a full amputation.  Perhaps something from a SciFi movie.  I am as ready as possible.
I am powering off now.  More to come.  I shall return.

Tomorrow is the day

We're at the hotel and getting ready for dinner.  We go to the hospital at 6am.  I plan to power off my phone and tablet as we leave so I'll be incomicado until late Monday or Tuesday.  My stupendous, spectacular, fun loving, completely cherished wife and daughter will update the blog with what happens.  You can email about.damons.leg@gmail.com with specific questions.

Tick-tock-tick-tock goes the clock.  T - 12 hours and 40 minutes.

T - 19 hours

We're on the road to Little Rock.  It was a long night and a hectic morning.  We'll meet Terah and Patrick in Little Rock, eat dinner, relax if possible, and count the minutes.

I want to give a shout-out to April's friends.  Yesterday they went to lunch and then a casino.  She had a good time and a smile when she got home.  Thank you.

A History of Traveling

Many people ask me “Damon, how do you stay so calm about all this?”  The answer is simple.  Life is full of turmoil.  I learned many years ago to take everything with a grain of salt.  It can always be better.  It can always be worse.  Everything which will ever happen to anyone is somewhere in the middle of the road.  My goal is to not hit a curb; as least not too hard.

Traveling is a grand example.  It has never been a lucky proposition for me.  I have traveled many times to many places.  Most (as in more than 51%) have been seamless events.  Many have been borderline disasters.

Many years ago my wife and I traveled to Las Vegas.  At the time we had a cat and two dogs and lived in the country.  The day before we were to leave my daughter’s cat zipped out the door and disappeared in to the forest.  I stayed up all night wandering around the trees searching for that cat.  This was when we lived on my dad’s land so if you know my dad you can imagine the experience.  On another occasion my wife’s dog disappeared.  Both dogs left and only one came back.  We’re pretty sure that the older one ditched the puppy.  Both animals eventually reappeared, but holy he-double chopsticks that hampered the fun of those trips.

Last winter my father-in-law was ill and we had to drive to Houston, Texas.  This was in the winter and we were covered with snow.  That’s not too bad, but then it gets exciting.  April and I are lying in bed trying to sleep before we leave early the next morning.  We’re warm in bed.  The lights are out and about to doze.  Drip.  Drip.  Drip.  Water begins coming through the bedroom ceiling.  Drip-drip becomes a stream.  Then it begins streaming from multiple places in the bedroom and the sun room.  Luckily I have great parents and then handle the clean-up crew while we were gone.

My worst trip ever was in August of 2011.   I arrive in Washington, DC and realize that I left a vital component of my CPAP machine at home.  I can handle that.  I get to the car rental and they hose the reservation which locks up my credit card.  I get the car with a debit card, but that took some wrangling.  Now my hotel reservation is hosed because of the credit card issue.  I pay for one night with cash until my card is resolved, but that was almost all my cash.   I go to Lowes in an attempt to cobble together enough apprentice for my CPAP, but I only succeed in inflating myself with about 40psi, which was not pleasant after the morning I had.  I go to class the next day, which was a great class and guess what happens.  A friggin’ Earth Quake.  Yes, I was in Washington DC of August of 2011 when the big earth quake hit the area.  To make it better I am actually South of Washington even closer to the epicenter.  They evacuate the building and that’s the end of class for the day.  I go to the hotel and I plan to meet a wonderful friend for a quick visit.  I get to the Mall and of course it’s raining.  I buy a jacket at the Smithsonian and my luck has turned because it’s on sale.  Why is it on sale?  Because the somehow one sleeve is like a Chinese finger trap!  The inside is rotated 360 degrees inside the outside if you can imagine that.  I have a wonderful visit with my friend.  We walk about 5 miles in the rain, but it was wonderful walk.   I’ll skip to leaving.  I drive back to Ronald Regan National Airport, which is hard to find, and I check my bags because I deserve a little easy time.  The line is huge I am wearing my favorite traveling cargo pants.  I do something, I forget what, and I rip the seam which holds my zipper in place.  I checked by bag at the gate and therefore  I have nothing.  Awesome.  I spend the next 5 hours holding a laptop in front of me.

I have other stories, but I think lays the framework for my current attitude toward life.

Why does all this come up?  I went down stairs to check some laundry for the trip tomorrow.  I hear drip, drip, drip, which I should NOT be hearing.  I go around the corner and I find water all over the floor.  The drip-pan for the AC is overflowing all over the floor.  Ya.  I am preparing for a nearly week long stay in the hospital for a cancer removal/leg amputation and my AC decides to flood the corner of my laundry room.  I use the shop-vac to clean up the water, clean out the drain and then I setup the dehumidifier.  I called my dad and he’ll watch it for the next few days.

As I said earlier.  “It can always be better.  It can always be worse.  Everything which will ever happen to anyone is somewhere in the middle of the road.  My goal is to not hit a curb; as least not too hard.”

T- 46 hours : 15 Minute

It's 8am Saturday morning.  I must be at UAMS at 6am on Monday.  I have 46 hours remaining.  It's starting to get real.

My plan for the day is 1) clean some stuff.  Did that. 2) enjoy some time with my dad. 3) rest. 4) enjoy the rest of the day with April.  Actually 3 may be replaced with fixing my garage door, but we'll see what happens with that.

This is uncharted territory for me.  I may lose my leg in two days and needles to say I am conflicted.  I love my leg and I am very attached to it.  On the other hand it hurts constantly and it is trying to kill me.

I occassionally fing myself staring at nothing and thinking deeply about nothing. Yesterday I thought about trees.  I really like trees.  They're tall, green, strong  and are beautiful to watch as they sway in the wind.   I'm lucky to have trees around my house which I can watch from whereever I am.  The only problem with trees are the squirrel they collect.  I can do without most of the squirrels.

Now it's time to start my day.  It will be a good day.

Good Morning, Leg

"Good Morning, Leg."
"Good Morning , Damon."
"How are you today, Leg?"
"Sore , but I'm still here."
"What do you want to do today?"
"I don't know. Just hang around."
"That sounds fun.  We can do that after we go to Tulsa.  If you're good maybe we'll get in the hot tub."
"I do like that.  I'll be good."
"Thank you, Leg.  We'll have a good day."
"I'll do my best, Damon."

Done with another appointment

That went well.  I do have a dime sized nodue on my lung.  Dr.Stelig was not too worried about the short term prognosis.  His team will visit with us next when I'm in the hospital for my leg to set the date of my chest surgery.  

It should be laparoscopic and the recovery is short.

Waiting to see Thoracic surgeon

Here we are at UAMS in Little Rock.  Time to see a thoracic surgeon.  Hopefully we eill leave with a surgery date. Will update the news sfter the appointment.

I miss my ibuprophen

It's Thursday morning.  We are preparing for another trip to LR.  Today we see the Thoracic surgeon about my chest.  My super special parents are watching the dogs becsuse LR and back is an all day thing.

One of the leg-surgery nurses called me on Monday.  She gave me all the typical pre-op instruction, which included to stop taking ibuprophen.  I was taking between 6 and 8 per day and now I take 0.
I did not appreciate how much ibuprophen was helping.  I refuse to take the *codone more than 2 or 3 per day because I hate the way they affect me.  The ibuprophen helped bridge the gap and apperently it was a San Fransico Bay Bridge type gap. 

More to come after the appointment.

Lunch with the team

A wonderful lunch at Smitty's Garage with my team.

Last day at work for a while

I am beginning my last day at work until I am recovered.  My current team and previous teams consists of nothing except wonderful people.  I hope everyone knows how much I appreciate them. 

August 04, 2014 8:18 AM

From: Brewer, Damon
Sent: Monday, August 04, 2014 8:18 AM
To: Brewer, Damon
Subject: FW: My health (Damon)

August is finally here and the weather is unbelievably cooperative.  We’ve had a few hot days, but it’s dominantly in the 80s and low 90s.  I cannot complain about that.

For me things are starting to happen.  I met with Dr. Montgomery last Friday.  Sadly he was not optimistic for my leg.  The chemo and radiation did essentially nothing for the tumor in my leg.  It continues to expand and is now wrapping the femoral artery and the tumor is definitely eroding/invading my femur.  Both of these require replacement for me to keep my leg so there is still a slim chance to keep it, but many, many things have to happen perfectly.   The doctor is consulting with his piers about the possible outcomes.    Adding insult to injury the cancer seems to have spread to my left lung.  I have a dime sized anomaly on the CT scan which must be removed.   Double-darn.

Here’s what’s next. 

I meet the thoracic surgeon this Thursday to discuss my lung.   I expect them to say ‘blah blah blah surgery blah blah’ and I’ll respond with ‘OK’.  I’ll fill in the details when I have them.

The surgery for my leg is scheduled for August 11, 2014 in Little Rock.  I don’t have an exact time and I don’t know what outcome to expect.  I’ll probably hear that the morning of the surgery.  Even then nothing is certain until it’s done.  He did say to expect to be in the hospital until Thursday.  I’m sure the doctors will do their very best.  Dr. Montgomery said to expect 2-3 weeks between my leg surgery and my lung surgery.

After all that I expect to recover for a week to two and then keep on keepin’ on.

Everyone, take care of yourself.   I’ll continue to share as things develop.

One more thing.  I called and the folks at Warrior Dash said amputees are welcome.

https://www.warriordash.com/

July 08, 2014 9:48 AM

From: Brewer, Damon
Sent: Tuesday, July 08, 2014 9:48 AM
To: Brewer, Damon
Subject: RE: My health (Damon)

Can you believe it’s July?  We’ve had a mild summer so far, which I greatly appreciate, but the journey is far from done.

There’s not much to say.  I’ve had two chemo treatments and 16 radiation treatments so far.  I have 6 radiations treatments remaining.  The first chemo was not kind to my body.  The second was not pleasant, but was much, much easier than the first.  The radiation treatments consist of lying on a table for 20 minutes while an Optimus-Prime type machine moves around me.  It clicks and hums and buzzes, but it’s painless.

My next trip to Little Rock is in two weeks.  They say to expect a minimum of 4 weeks between radiation and surgery, so that pushes any real recovery in to August at the earliest.  Darn.

I still work every day and I’m still more active than my wife likes.  Everyone at home and work are supportive.  The weather is beautiful.  I cannot complain.

That’s the latest.  Share as needed.

May 24, 2014 10:30 AM

From: Brewer, Damon
Sent: Saturday, May 24, 2014 10:30 AM
Subject: FW: My health (Damon)

Hello, everyone.  I promised to keep people updated, so here is the latest.

My chemo therapy starts the Tuesday after memorial day.  I am both excited and anxious.   I’m not scared, but my wife (April) is scared enough for both of us.  They said everyone responds differently to the chemo so I have not expectation.  I get 6 days to recover from the chemo before I get radiation, which is schedule for the following Monday.

I still feel good and I am as active as is practical.  I am becoming more tired (physically and emotionally), but it’s important that I keep moving.   My activity level is still good.  Last weekend I built a small deck for a hot tub and rebuilt the tubs water pump.  It took two days, but I did it.

For those that don’t know I am usually at work around 6am, which is about the time the sun rises.  I recommend stopping to watch the sun rise if you have not done this recently.  We can do it together. 

 

May 08, 2014 7:21 AM

From: Brewer, Damon
Sent: Thursday, May 08, 2014 7:21 AM
To: …

The verdict is in.  They diagnosed me with ‘Undifferentiated Pleomorphic Sarcoma‘.   It’s now a football sizes tumor in the back of my right leg.  Did you know each cancer has a color designation for ribbons and such?  i.e. Breast Cancer is pink, Brain Cancer is grey, Colon Cancer is dark blue.  More info here.  Guess my color. ;)
 
Other than the consistent pain in my leg I still feel well.   I have no limitations on my activity, but I am limited by my pain tolerance during or after the activity.

Treatment: The next steps are a schedule of radiation and chemo.  My next appointment is Monday when they’ll do a detailed scan of my leg.  They’ll use this to set a baseline and program the machine which will phaser me.  Followed soon after is a cocktail of chemotherapy and then two weeks of daily radiation treatment.  This is repeated a few times and then I’m evaluated for an operations to physically remove the tumor.

Prognosis: If they removed the tumor today it would essentially destroy my leg.  They would remove most of the muscle from my upper leg, which would render it nearly useless.  The radiation and chemo is an effort to ‘shink’ the tumor so I save as much muscle as possible.  In the best circumstance my leg will never return to 100%.

Goals: I have two goals.  My daughter gets married October 4, 2014.  Goal #1 is to walk, unaided, down the aisle with her.  Goal #2  is to run in another Warrior Dash next spring.  Of course there are several hurdles between here and there, but I think I am ready for a fresh challenge.

You may share this with whomever you wish, but I do ask that everyone respect the sensitive nature of the situation.  I wish to not be the center of attention and to continue with work as normally as possible.  Tyson is my second family and this a truly a refuge for me.  I will continue to share as things progress.
I apologize to anyone I missed.  Let me know if anyone wants to be added/removed to this distribution list

April 09, 2014 8:04 AM

From: Brewer, Damon
Sent: Wednesday, April 09, 2014 8:04 AM
To: …
Subject: My health

I'll start by saying that I am very healthy in general.  The bad news is they're trying to diagnose me with a carsanoma (cancer) in my leg.  I've had an ultrasound, x-rays, 2 MRI, and now a CT scan of my lungs.

I noticed my leg wasn't right last summer, but I thought it was weight and activity related.  In November I noticed a mass on the back of my right leg.  In January I went to the Dr and we assumed it was a sport related hematoma.  In Feb he sent me to an orthopedist because it was not getting better.  Tuesday I went to the UAMS Oncology department.  They did the CT scan and are scheduling a needle biopsy.

The mass is about 4cm x 7cm x 11cm and is between my thigh and musculature.  Needless to say it now hurts like an SOB.

The doctor said that these types of tumors, because of its size and location, is usually malignant.  Hopefully they can push insurance and get my biopsy next week. If definitely malignant then they’ll be aggressive and do chemo and radiation to shrink it before removing it.  If it’s not malignant they will just do surgery to remove it. The doctor is pretty sure it is malignant.

I should know the result of me CT scan today or tomorrow.  I expect have the biopsy schedule for next week.

It Begins

Today is Tuesday August 5,2014.  I am schedule for a leg amputation on August 11,2014.
I am starting this blog to share the experience with friends and family and the world.  Posts will come from myself, my wife (April),or my daughter (Terah).
The first posts and some email I have shared. This will catch up any new readers.
I hope you find this Informational, inspirational, or entertaining. Please forgive any dry and off-color humor.